Hiatus? Gesundheit!

I’m often inspired by my friend Shelley’s blog Quaint Revival. In her latest, she speaks about taking time off from her blog and hopes folks will forgive her for them. Which got me thinking about life’s hiatuses … didn’t John Lennon say, or quote, that life is what happens when you’re making plans?

In fact, doesn’t life happen all the time? Oh, but we have judgements about what’s happening in our lives, and powerful ones. They all start with: “I should be …,”

Nowadays, I admit it’s hard not to judge myself. My therapist will forgive me for wasting time (my words), speaking about the underlying anxiety of the pandemic and all the ways it effects us. I happen to think I’m living with a couple of other anxieties, like do we still have, or want, a government — plus how soon will it be before one of the many terrible manifestations of global warming ends us?

That sort of thing.

But I respond to her that hey, what about all those people on the Internet using the time to learn skydiving, or weaving booties for underprivileged doggies in cold climes, or working on their novel? What does that say about those of us whose appear to be shlogging thru our lives?

Like me, whose life right now can pretty much be summed up with these words: “Buy shoes, send back shoes, buy shoes, return shoes, buy shoes, miss deadline for returning shoes,” etc. I’m desperate to find a pair of shoes I can actually walk in … it’s gotten very hard.

My point is elusive. We have to live our lives, and isn’t that what blogging should be all about?

So I will share with you that I met with a new Zoom group today … a group of seniors who feel isolated and want to be part of an ongoing group that meets to get to know each other. By the time everyone introduced themselves, well let’s just say I began to rub my forehead, which I notice I do when I’m starting to feel beaten down. They’re all doing stuff! Interesting stuff like singing in a doo-op group or leading kids on nature walks.

Then I remembered I could try mentioning that all my life I’ve sung in choruses, and that the last one I sang with, and the last time I sang with them, we sang Beethoven’s 9th in Lincoln Center. They were impressed. And the next person who introduced herself said she hadn’t done anything nearly as interesting as everyone else …

The truth is, I’m a very late actualizer. So late, most of it won’t ever … actualize, like having kids and grandkids. the chances at age 81 are slim …

I will never have a large family surrounding me to lean on or a large circle of friends. I really learned the art of friendship a few years back … not nearly enough time to build lots of solid circle! I do have two old friends from years and years back in my 20’s, both good friends, I must say.

But one has just been diagnosed with lung cancer, the other lives in New Hampshire and is married, but her husband is very reluctantly dying.

So that’s my life these days, so that has to be my blog. My voice may not be the most cheerful one, it may not be the most interesting. But it’s my voice and I seem to want to share it. I’ll end on a more positive note, a haiku I wrote a few days ago inspired by a photo on one letter UP‘s blog. I’ve been working on it.

Shameless sunflower

flinging gold petals wildly—

not caring who sees!

8 thoughts on “Hiatus? Gesundheit!

  1. Yes I agree…life does happen all the time and I think we all have voices that deserve to be heard – cheerful or not. The anxiety of the pandemic is universal even as we all deal/cope with it in our own ways. Such as researching and buying shoes or skydiving or blogging about it. The “I should be…” intrudes way too much sometimes. I am still working on ignoring that and substituting “I want to…” or “now I can…” which is a change from a lifetime of “shoulds” – but after all these years it’s still a challenge. I still love how you paired my photo with your haiku (which, for what it’s worth, looks finished to me 🙂)
    Singing at Lincoln Center – Wow! What an experience that must have been!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much foe your comments – for grasping so completely what I was getting at! With Haiku, and I’m sure there’s a comparison re photography, every word matters, so if any word isn’t the best it can be, the poem probably won’t say what you hope it will. If you notice, I changed words in this last version, and there’s still one or two words I’m thinking about!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re most welcome. I am not familiar with Haiku (or the mechanics of poetry much at all), but I see what you mean. A few words and the point of view changes (for one thing). I guess I still like both versions. 🙂

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    2. P.S. If you have any more of your sunflower photos and want to send them my way, it could help … but they have to be yours!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’ll keep my eye out. In the meantime there are some on several other blog posts (Sept and Oct.) if you want to look back.

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  2. Dearest Ellen – thank you for the callout to my post. I’m glad it inspired you to write another post on your blog. As an introvert, I’ve frankly been okay with not having to do anything special. I’ve found out how many clothes I really don’t need.
    During the pandemic, I’ve taken up learning about the world from a perspective I hadn’t taken on before. I don’t think there’s been a day during this whole past year that I haven’t stood in the shower with the water pouring down on my face wishing I could wash all of the crap floating around in my head in disbelief of how much fear has been adapted/accepted by us humans. We let the government do this to us by our fears and that’s sad. Hopefully, we’ll all wake up soon. There’s much to live for and enjoy. And many more lives to save. It’s a good thing humans have the gift of perseverance and the ability to buy and return shoes until we find the perfect fit! Hugs to you! xoxox

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    1. If only showers could do that! My AM shower does give me a boost and helps me clear my head! Just one disagreement here: in my 81 years I’ve seen far too much fear, suspicion and hatred that we humans have indulged in all by ourselves, without any help from the government. If we blame all on the government, we won’t take that good look inside ourselves to examine our own way of forming opinions and ideas. It wasn’t Joseph McCarthy who caused those years of horror, he was just the instrument of our own terror of communism, something we knew nothing about. Fear of the “other” is natural and only needs a little fanning to blossom. All people who supported the troops in Viet Nam were not blind, and all protestors against that war did not hate the troops … we made up that stuff from almost whole cloth. Remember that incredibly courageous song (for its time) from South Pacific: “You’ve got to be taught to hate and fear, you’ve got to be taught from year to year … before you are 6 or 7 or 8 to hate all the people your relatives hate.” By the time we get to the stage of being aware there even is a government, our attitudes about various groups are well established. The work we have is to recognize where our home-grown beliefs need tweaking if not complete overhauling … and if you’ll pardon my twist on your good analogy, make our own shower. Over the years I’ve concluded that in general, it’s much more about what the government won’t do that can more directly affect our lives! Fear and suspicion of government is, to my way of thinking, a waste of good intelligence. Researching, marching, speaking out, voting, protesting all can be accomplished without rancor. It’s when we take the actions of politicians personally and react as if we are being directly victimized that we run into real trouble. I do agree there are individuals within the government whose ideas of constructive actions are dead opposed to mine and often beyond my comprehension, actions I need to get off my duff and do something about, but mostly I think our work is to make our own showers help to restore a wise, detached perspective based more or less on the “truthful facts,” if we can round them up. And then we can eat a hearty breakfast…

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I don’t disagree with you, especially these lines: “You’ve got to be taught to hate and fear, you’ve got to be taught from year to year … before you are 6 or 7 or 8 to hate all the people your TEACHERS hate.” By the time we get to the stage of being aware there even is a government, our attitudes about various groups are well established. The work we have is to recognize where our home-grown beliefs need tweaking if not complete overhauling … and if you’ll pardon my twist on your good analogy, make our own shower.”
        Do you think our educational system is where the corruption of our impressionable minds exists or is it the family unit or both? Or is it in our inability to find common sense and move past the rhetoric – regardless of chicken or egg (for nourishment), we’re brainwashed to believe what we believe and the MSM loves to play us against each other. I most definitely saw an extreme difference in the education my daughters received – we started them out in private Catholic schools, switched to the public school system, one went to a trade school, one went to a private university – it’s a difference. And it leads to some very interesting conversations especially during a pandemic. As always, Ellen, I adore your spunk and your words of wisdom. Thank you for your comments!

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